


Your mess is mine

by Thomasnewtminho29



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, reference to canon suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 04:19:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomasnewtminho29/pseuds/Thomasnewtminho29
Summary: Alex realises that Zach is not ok.





	Your mess is mine

**Author's Note:**

> I've been watching season 2 and I've really fallen for Zalex. Their relationship is so beautiful and it's so obvious how much they care for each other. 
> 
> What interested me though was Zach's mental state especially in episode 6. It's obvious his dad's death has affected him and his mom doesn't talk about it and he obviously feels really guilty over what happened with Hannah. I also thought it was really interesting when he told his mom that he'd had suicidal thoughts too.
> 
> So this is just a fic to satisfy by Zalex feelings but also to focus more on Zach's feelings and how Alex wants to help and support him but also acknowledge that just because two people fall in love that doesn't mean everything in their lives is automatically perfect. I hope that comes through in the fic.
> 
> Please tell me if you enjoy it!

Alex wasn’t worried. Annoyed maybe, and a little baffled but definitely not worried. It was weird that Zach was fifteen minutes late for their PT session when he was normally there before Alex, if he hadn’t driven them both to the pool. He was sure Zach knew about the session, they’d planned it all the week before and Zach had seemed pretty excited, telling Alex that he was doing so well that he’d probably be able to push him a little further.

 

Alex checked his phone again, tapping his cane against the ground. No messages from Zach. Ok, maybe he was a _little_ worried. He knew that Zach and him were friends but there was still that niggling feeling that maybe Zach was embarrassed to be seen with him. Maybe he’d finally decided that Alex was a loser and a lost cause. He unlocked his phone and gritted his teeth as he focused on moving his thumbs slowly across the keyboard.

 

**To: Zach**

**Dude. Where r u?**

He sat back, staring at his phone waiting for a response. It was less than a minute before he received one.

 

**From: Zach**

**SHIT! I’m so so sorry Alex, I forgot. I’ll be there in 10.**

Alex frowned. Zach forgot? He’d never forgotten one of their sessions before. He was the one who said PT was important whenever Alex complained about it. He really liked Zach, he hoped nothing was wrong. He closed his eyes and rested his head against the back of the bench as he waited.

 

“Hey Alex.”

 

Alex opened his eyes and smiled as he saw Zach Dempsey standing in front of him, gym bag slung over his shoulder. “You took your time” Alex joked as he sat up and reached for his cane.

 

“Sorry” Zach muttered. “I just…” he trailed off, running his hand through his hair. Alex noticed he wasn’t smiling like he usually did. He looked paler and so sad that it hurt Alex’s heart.

 

“You ok Dempsey?” He asked gently.

 

Zach forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m good.” He slid his arm around Alex’s waist and helped him to his feet. Alex leant against him, trying to give his friend a little comfort. Zach squeezed his waist. “Let’s go and do some work” he said firmly and Alex let him guide him towards the locker room.

 

Something was definitely wrong with Zach. Normally during the PT sessions, Zach would be constantly encouraging Alex, motivating him whenever he was slowing down. Today he’d hardly said a word. He’d hadn’t smiled or even rolled his eyes when Alex told him the dumbest jokes he could think of.

 

Now Alex was doing his exercises. His hands were on Zach’s shoulders, while the jock’s hands were on his waist to steady him. Normally this was Alex’s favourite part of the session. He secretly enjoyed how intimate it felt being so close to Zach, especially when Zach smiled proudly at him, their faces only centimetres away from each other. At the moment though, Zach wasn’t paying any attention to him. Instead, he was staring off into the distance with an unreadable expression on his face.

 

“If you’ve got somewhere else to be you can go” Alex told him. “I really don’t mind as long as you help me out of the pool first.”

 

Zach’s gaze shifted back to Alex and he shook his head. “No way. I want to be here.”

 

Alex sighed in frustration. He wished Zach would just tell him what was going on. He lifted his good leg, shifting the weight to the bad one. He stumbled and lurched forward, smacking into Zach’s chest. Zach’s arms instantly wrapped around him, holding him upright.

 

“Ok” Zach said. “Maybe that’s enough for today.”

 

Alex’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as Zach helped him to the side of the pool and lifted him up, seating him by the edge of the pool as he pulled himself out of the pool and fetched Alex’s cane. He looked like he wanted to say something but he just bit his lip and helped Alex up.

 

They changed in silence. Alex watched Zach and saw the way his shoulders slumped, how his breath hitched every so often like he was trying not to cry. His stomach twisted. He had to do something.

 

He refused Zach’s help as they walked to the car, waiting until Zach was ahead of him before sitting down on a bench. He watched as Zach realised that Alex wasn’t following him anymore and turned around.

 

“Are you alright?” Zach asked. “Is your leg hurting? Are you tired?”

 

Alex stared at him. “Are _you_ alright?”

 

“Dude, I’m fine. Let’s just get in the car, ok?”

 

Alex folded his arms. “You’re not fucking fine Zach. First you forget we have a session and then it’s been like you weren’t even here, like your mind’s somewhere else. Something’s up and we’re not leaving until you tell me what the hell is wrong. I’m your best friend, you can trust me.”

 

Zach just looked at him for a minute before sighing and walking over to the bench and sitting down beside Alex. He was quiet for a moment, staring straight ahead. “It’s been a year since my Dad died.”

 

Alex’s stomach dropped. “Oh god, Zach. I didn’t realise. I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have texted you if I knew.”

 

“I wanted to come” Zach said. “I thought it would take my mind off everything, guess it didn’t work though.” He exhaled shakily. “This has been the worst year of my fucking life.”

 

“I know” Alex said softly. “It’s been shit.”

 

Zach nodded. “Everything with my Dad dying, and then Hannah, and then you nearly dying- it’s all just been playing on my mind recently. How it’s all my fault.”

 

Alex was lost. “What are you talking about? How is anything your fault?”

 

Zach looked at him, his eyes full of pain. “On the day my Dad died he picked me up from Bryce’s house. We were going bowling, just the two of us for some family bonding time or something. I was in a crappy mood because Bryce had been a dick, bragging about getting with some girl. My Dad asked me what was wrong and I just ignored him. I put my headphones on and blanked him out. The next thing I knew a car had come out of nowhere and slammed into us. My Dad died immediately. Maybe if I’d been paying attention I could’ve seen the car.”

 

Alex didn’t know what to say. Had Zach really been carrying this around for a whole year? “Zach, it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have done anything, you know that.”

 

“What about Hannah then?” Zach said, his voice cracking. “You can’t say that wasn’t my fault. I could’ve helped her. I could’ve been someone for her to talk to. I was a fucking coward who was worried about what my so-called friends would say. I hurt her and I can never fix it. Clay was right, I didn’t deserve her.”

 

Tears were trickling down Zach’s cheeks and Alex shuffled closer pulling Zach into his arms, guiding his head so it was pressed against his shoulder. “We all did shitty things but you’re a good guy, Zach and Hannah knew that. We can’t change what happened but we can try and do better in her name and that’s what you’re doing. I mean, I know _I’d_ be lost without you.” Zach sobbed quietly against his shoulder as Alex gently rubbed his back. People were looking at them curiously as they walked by but Alex didn’t care. All he cared about was the boy in his arms.

 

After a few minutes Zach shifted slightly, pressing his nose against Alex’s neck, making the other boy shiver. “I didn’t notice that you were struggling either. If I’d paid more attention, or called you earlier, or just gone round to your house then maybe you wouldn’t have-”

 

“I would’ve” Alex interrupted. “There was nothing you could’ve done or said so don’t torture yourself. I don’t think I would be where I am today without you though.”

 

Zach pulled away slightly frowning as he looked at Alex. “Seriously? I’ve been an asshole. I couldn’t even tell anyone how important you are to me.”

 

Alex used his sleeve to wipe the tears from Zach’s cheeks. “Your self-esteem is seriously low. You really think I could’ve got through the last few months without you? You carry my bags, you help me with PT, you’re always there when I need to talk. Dude, you’re the best person I know.”

 

“I don’t deserve you either” Zach mumbled.

 

Alex looked at Zach as he thought about what to do next. “Screw it” he muttered as he cupped Zach’s face in his hands and kissed him. Zach stiffened slightly. ‘ _Crap’_ Alex thought. He was so fucking stupid. It was completely the wrong moment to kiss his best friend. He’d just wanted to show Zach that he loved him and was there for him.

 

He started to pull away feeling embarrassed, but before he could get too far Zach’s hand curled around the back of his neck and pulled him back, pressing their lips together. Alex wasn’t going to lie; he’d dreamt about what it would be like to kiss Zach but he never imagined it would feel this good. He rested his bad hand on Zach’s hip and tangled his good hand in Zach’s hair as he deepened the kiss.

 

They broke apart after a while and Zach looked at Alex, his expression still one of grief and pain, but also wonder and hope.

 

“Wow” Zach said. “I mean…that was…wow.”

 

“Yeah” Alex replied, his voice hoarse. He cleared his throat. “Look Zach, I can’t promise that things are going to magically get better. I’m messed up and you’re messed up and we’ve got a lot of shit to work through. What I can promise though is to try and help you like you’ve helped me. I think I love you Zach Dempsey and I’ll be here for you as long as you want me.”

 

Zach reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers. “I think I love you too” he said quietly. “I don’t know what I’m doing at the moment, I don’t know how I feel about myself and everything that’s happened but I know I want you.”

 

Alex squeezed his hand. “You’ve got me” he said simply. They sat quietly for a few minutes just taking comfort in each other as the sun started to set. “Do you need to get home?” Alex asked.

 

“I know I should” Zach said. “Families are supposed to be together on days like this, right? I know May’s staying at a friend’s house though, and Mom never talks about Dad. I just don’t want to go back to an empty house again.”

 

“You don’t have to” Alex told him. “Come and stay at mine. My parents won’t mind, they love you. We’ll do whatever you want. We can take your mind off everything or we can talk some more. It’s up to you.”

 

“I’d like that” Zach said. Alex noted that he looked a little more relaxed now. “I think I just need to be with someone I can talk to. Someone who won’t judge me.”

 

“That’s me” Alex said, flashing Zach a small smile before resting his head on his shoulder.

 

“Could we stay here a little longer though?” Zach asked hesitantly. “It’s kind of peaceful.”

 

“Yeah, of course” Alex said. His leg was beginning to hurt but he wasn’t going to mention it right now.

 

Zach turned to press a kiss against Alex’s forehead. “Thanks.”

 

“For what?”

 

Zach shrugged. “For everything I guess.”

 

Alex pressed closer to him. “Just don’t keep everything bottled up, ok? Tell me when you’re feeling bad.”

 

“Ok.”

 

They lapsed back into silence again. Alex’s eyes fluttered closed as he listened to Zach’s breathing. The past year had been terrible for both of them in so many ways but they’d also found each other. It didn’t fix everything, but maybe it was a start. Maybe they weren’t broken forever after all.

 


End file.
